Greetings, beautiful soul! 🌟
Welcome to the heart-centered haven of the BTG Podcast, where I, your guide Jen Febel invite you to embark on a transformative journey from your head to your heart.
“BTG” stands for “Bridge The Gap” and it is inspired by my own healing journey.
After receiving seven different mental health diagnoses by the age of 19, I quickly realized that there was a massive gap between what I believed and understood in my head and what I truly felt in my heart. And no matter how many experts I sought out, I couldn't seem to bridge that gap - until I found the tools and information that I share in my one-on-one private coaching sessions, trainings and right here on this podcast.
My goal is to help you begin to bridge that gap by bringing you different topics related to mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.
You are invited to join us in Circle
Each episode of The BTG Ppodcast is recorded LIVE during my virutal Healing Circles. These free virtual gatherings that take place twice a month. Each Circle we begin with a beautiful candle meditation followed by a deep dive into a diverse discussion on mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. We then embark on a journey with a sacred circle casting, grounding meditation and energetic shielding, breath-focused practice, and ending with a soul-inspiring gratitude meditation.
If real-time connection calls to you, explore more at www.btgwellness.com/circle and join my free Circle membership.
*************************************************************
Feel the love! If today's episode resonates, share it with your tribe, and don't forget to leave a review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Questions or just want to chat? Reach me at www.livelifeunbroken.com or www.btgwellness.com.
Seeking free resources? Visit www.livelifeunbroken.com/resources for your dose of goodness.
Embrace the episode, and let the journey within begin!
Warmest regards,
Jen ✨
Support the show
**This podcast is recorded live during my weekly zoom virtual healing circle. Be sure to stick around to the end of the episode to learn more about how you can join me for these live virtual events **
Welcome to the Virtual healing circle with me, Jen Febel of BTG Wellness and Live Life Unbroken.
And tonight I want to talk to you about the second biggest communication problem that we encounter in pretty much every relationship, everywhere in our lives. And the one that we don't even know is happening.
When we talk about communication, we often focus on the words we use or we talk about body language, but do you know what style of speaker and listener you are? And more importantly how to identify it in the other person and adapt? If not, keep reading.
So why is this important?
This is important because the way you speak and listen has a direct impact on your ability to understand and to be understood.
This is important because without knowing this information, you're going to get caught in an endless loop of either feeling overly responsible, or completely ignored.
And this is important because knowing how to identify and adapt your speaking and listening style so that it matches the person you're communicating with is key to avoiding the misunderstandings and hurt feelings that often get in the way of feelings of intimacy.
Now, a few circles ago we talked about Miscommunication Problem Number One and if you want a recap of that topic you can catch up with Episode 57 of the podcast called How to be a Compassionate Communicator. And in that episode, we talked about processing systems and how when you have a mismatched processing system you can end up with miscommunication problems.
Miscommunication Problem Number Two has to do with whether or not you're a Literal or an Inferential speaker and listener.
And here's the best way to know: if someone you knew and loved came up to you and said, “Hey, I'm thirsty”, what would you do?
If your first instinct is to go get them a drink, then you are what we call an Inferential Listener.
An Inferential Listener will hear a statement and infer that there's something that they have to do - even though they were never actually asked.
An Inferential Listener often feels put upon because they think other people are always asking them to do things (only they’re not!).
And an Inferential Listener thinks people are speaking to them when aren’t and will see Literal speakers as cold or pushy.
Now, if someone says, I am thirsty, and your first instinct is to say, “Oh man, you must not have had enough water to drink today” then you are a Literal Listener.
For a Literal Listener it doesn't even occur to them that it might have been an ask - it is just someone stating something random. A Literal Listener will happily go get the glass of water but they have to be asked directly first.
A Literal Listener automatically assumes that it wasn't meant for them unless it's very obviously meant for them. And they tend to think Inferential Speakers are passive aggressive
You can see how this can get messy, right?
Now, you can also be an Inferential or Literal Speaker.
An Inferential Speaker will allude to things. They will think they are asking but then nothing is happening and so they don't feel heard. They may say something like “There are dishes in the sink” or “The house is dusty” and then get annoyed that no one is cleaning up. But they never actually asked! They just made a statement and assumed the other person will get the message (because they are inferring it). However, this means they can come across as passive aggressive.
A Literal Speaker will ask directly; they will tell you directly. As a result, they can come across as unfeeling and controlling. They will say “Put the dishes in the dishwasher” or “Dust the House please”. It makes them really good at being managers and leaders but if they are surrounded by Inferential Listeners they will be seen as rude and mean.
Now you can be a Literal Speaker and an Inferential Listener or an Inferential Speaker and a Literal Listener. Or any combination of the four options. And since the universe is genius it likes to pair us up with our opposite, especially in our close relationships.
Because that's how we heal and grow - otherwise, how would we know what we need to work on?
The bottom line is: if you think that no one is listening to you then you're not saying what you thought you said.
There was another interpretation of what you said and the other person took that one and not the one that you meant.
Making a statement is not the same thing as making a request. If you think you're asking people to do things check.
This communication issue shows up everywhere between partners between friends, parents, kids in laws, bosses, co workers…etc. Everywhere. And we don't even know what's happening.
Only now you do!
Some key concepts remember:
Remember that learning how to adapt to another person’s speaking and listening style will help you feel more heard, seen and understood. If you know someone is a Literal Listener, give them an actual direction.
Remember that understanding how you speak and listen is only a first step. True transformation happens when you learn to be more flexible. Knowing what you are and knowing what other people are is awesome. That awareness will take you to the next step but it cannot be where you stop.
Being able to identify what others are and what you are and then being able to adapt and be flexible in your communication style is how you become a master communicator and an effective influencer.
And as always, I want to remind you to decide you wanted more than you're afraid of it.
You didn’t know what you didn’t know. Only now you know. And for some of you, you're going to start to identify things that might be like, “Oh, no, I got to do stuff.” Just decide you want it more than you're afraid of it, and that's always the decision that will take you to the next step.
And as always, if you have any questions about anything from tonight's circle or podcast, please know you can always reach out to me through my website at www.livelifeubroken.com or through email or through social media.